Aug 31, 2012

Just some rules to live by

So every now and then I hit rock bottom, sometimes, I can go deeper than that. But I make sure I learned something from those lousy moments. Here's a summary of what I've learned so far:

1. Let go of lousy and crappy things that are not useful.

2. It's okay to think about old memories and look forward to the future, but NOTHING beats the present, no matter how awful it is. It's the only thing that is REAL.

3. Help. (No BUTs no IFs)

Aug 24, 2012

Funny signs I was probably a guy in my past life!

So, one day, I was thinking about the WEIRD things that I've been doing...

My old 'thing'

There was a time in my life when all I cared about was DANCING. That time, it’s the only thing that I do with 100% focus. 

When I dance, I don’t think of anything, I don’t even think of the steps because I used to know them by heart. I dance the same way with or without audience. 
I like teaching and learning new moves; my heart used to beat like crazy (in a good way) when I move, it makes me feel ALIVE. That’s the only time I feel centered, but, that was a long time ago (like more than a decade?!) and things changed. My reasons for dancing now are so pathetic! I’m not sure if I can go back to doing that ‘100% effort’ EVER!!!

Aug 23, 2012

That Jewish Lady

On my way home, just right before I hit the stairs to Ayala MRT station, I saw a woman looking at a small paper in her hand and the sign board (like a directory of Makati) kinda close to the staircase. She looked so lost and confused. I was about to take my third step on the staircase, but I looked back again because I felt guilty about ignoring the scene.

Noisy City + Bummer Mode = A Great Realization!

I thought I’m still dreaming. I can clearly hear the helicopter and the cars honking; these are what I normally hear in the morning when I’m in the city. Sometimes, ambulance and fire truck sirens and the drillers doing and redoing the water pipes in the street would add up in the morning orchestra. I wasn’t planning on waking up yet, but the sound of the hammer pounding the floor was forcing me to get out of bed. Our building is going through renovation for several days now; they’re doing the floors now.

How I Celebrated My 23rd Birthday!

If I Ever Reach Eighty...

When I was younger, there were times when I would cringe whenever I picture myself being ‘old’. I’m wondering what it would be like to wear eye glasses and to drag a cane. I wonder what I would be without my teeth and without my energy. And what would happen to my skin and hair?

Way back in college, while I was cutting out pictures from a random magazine, I accidentally found an alphabetical list of phobias. I got curious so I read the whole list. I don’t remember everything, but, there was something from the list that got stuck in my mind. ‘Gerascophobia’ (also called Gerontophobia)– fear of being old.

I didn’t even know there was such a thing as ‘fear of being old’. But that explains my paranoia. It bothered me a lot. Now that my ‘fear’ has a name, I got even more scared. I’m scared that I would be so dependent, weak and needy. I don’t want to be a nuisance. I don’t want people to hate me because they have to ‘take care’ of me. I’ve seen a lot of old people being sent to ‘home for the aged’, in real life and in TV. I’m not sure if I want to end up in that kind of place one day.
A lot of people say I don’t look my age. That’s probably because I’m too small. A random person would think I’m 13. 

Aug 22, 2012

My Made Up Quotes

So, every now and then, random thoughts keep popping in my head. Whether I'm in the shower, in the middle of my sleep or right before I get on a train...they never pick a place nor time to pop in! I'd like to share some of those...

"Writing is like talking quietly to a lot of people"

Curb seems like a good place to sing and play a guitar...

Everywhere I go, there's always something that reminds me of you...

A minute can last forever...

There's always an easier way, if you have an open mind and a brave heart, you'll surely find it

I speak and listen at my job; I read and write on my spare time, I hope one day it will be the other way around...

If you've got things that money can't buy, then, you're not poor!

They say life is somehow like a roller coaster, and I agree! It has twists and turns, ups and downs...but you know it's gonna end sometime. So, why not just enjoy the ride? I mean life...

Winning an argument won't get you anywhere. If it's not that important anyway, let it go...

I'm not the kind of person who can't eat lunch alone...I've been doing it since grade school.
I don't mind being with other people, I just prefer to be alone

Some things are more interesting if we don't fully understand them.

Not all generous are rich; not all rich are generous.

Instead of praying for a prettier face or a slimmer body, I just started praying that people would be a little less judgmental.

Decisions made in seconds can change your entire life.

Asking me to talk slow is like forcing me to go to bed while I'm watching a really good show. NOT COOL!

It's okay for me to say GOODBYE if I know I'll see you tomorrow.

If your heart is filled with LOVE, there's no room for jealousy.

Laughing at my dreams : spitting on my face = same thing

If you're in pain and you can still smile from your heart, you're braver than a front-liner in war.

It's nice to sleep and rest your aching body at night knowing you've accomplished something, but I also like the excitement of waking up the next morning because I have to do something cool again.

Life is like a free-size shirt...

July 2012
Cowardice: keeps you alive, gets you nowhere

You can have the greatest voice in the world, but if you can't move a single soul...what's the point of singing?..

Perfection should come out naturally, it shouldn't be planned or forced.

When you're waiting for someone and he's waiting for someone and that someone isn't you ~ it sucks!!!

Random things and thoughts that make me happy

I'm a very simple minded person. There are lots of things in this world that makes me ridiculously happy though they seem pretty normal or even boring for most people. I have learned throughout the course of my crazy life that I don't really need expensive things to experience LIFE at its best. The simple things in life are the ones that you'd treasure in the end. 

So, I made a list of these random thoughts and things that make me happy. They are not in particular order!

What I've Learned in 24 Years

Something 'bout me

I'm Cyndrel. I have random thoughts inside my head. I usually make fun of my miseries. Sometimes, I don't even understand myself but I'm fed up trying to figure out why I can't. I can't say I'm successful, but I can say that I'm happy (most of the time). I've read from a book that these are two different things and I somehow proved it. 

I like experiencing different emotions because that's how I learn and how I become stronger. I play back good and bad memories from time to time, and I find it really amazing to do that in a snap of a finger. My attention span is about 20 seconds, but I can stretch that if I find things really interesting. I admire a lot of people, most of them celebrities, but I never wanted to live their lives, same way I never want them to live mine. I love living and breathing. I hum (I mean sing at the top of my lungs...) all the time, well except when I have a sore throat. I find it hard to sleep when I'm excited. I eat a lot when I'm sick. When I was a child, I use my sickness to get all the things that I want, but I DON'T do that anymore. I'm a different person inside and outside the house. I love playing tag and I love getting that awesome feeling of 'trying to catch your breath' when someone's chasing you. I'll always love that paranoia of being seen when I'm playing hide-and-seek, as if your playmates are FBI agents and you're the criminal. I have wild imaginations; I dream of other worlds all the time. I never try to be normal, I know I'll never be. I hate proving that I'm right, it just sucks out all my energy. Though I'm all about being positive, there would always be times when I would be extremely negative. Not knowing where I'm headed is such an overwhelming feeling; I get scared about it, but my curiosity scares my fear away. Making people laugh is my pathetic way of earning their trust. I cry when I'm physically hurt; I eat ice cream when I'm emotionally hurt. I'm tired of having regrets, so, I decided not to have much of it anymore as it only kills my will to live my life. I HATE NOT BEING MYSELF. There are times when I would eat and walk (on the streets) at the same time, when you see me doing that, you get a glimpse of the real me. I get my energy from nature: moon, stars, wind, trees etc. 

I have a very weird digestive system. When I fall flat face on the floor, I make sure I bounce back higher than before. I sometimes hate being told what to do, especially when I already know what I'm supposed to do. 

I wrote my very first love letter when I was 14 (end of discussion). I always find it hard to talk to someone I like, but I still try to do that so I won't have regrets later on. You can't take MUSIC away from me, I'll always find my way to it. I love singing but I'm not a great singer. I'm an inborn dancer though. I like learning something cool. I rarely make a good impression. I get migraines from time to time and that's like a hint that I have to stop over thinking. I used to have a very good vision, but I started wearing glasses 2 months before my 25th birthday. Cooking is something I take seriously. I'm fascinated by languages and I love doing accents. I'm very selective when it comes to reading books. I prefer reading on line articles. I write a lot of lists because I think it's much easier to digest that kind of format instead of something like this. I used to be a bad ass in video games, BUT I realized that that obsession was just a phase and I won't want to do that for the rest of my life. I hate being late. And I hate people spitting in public! 

I love writing and rhyming~ I think I got them from my maternal grandfather. I never liked the idea of playing guitar until I was 16. 

I believe in miracles. Most people think I'm childish and that I'm a brat because when I want something, I rarely quit until I get it. I don't normally stare at people, unless they're really really CUTE. I enjoy getting on public transportation IF there's not much traffic jam and I won't have to trade faces with other people. My mind drifts when I'm waiting in line. I watch TV like there's nothing else in the world BUT the TV. Independence for me is like gas on a car; it keeps me going! And talking, for me, is just as important as breathing.

Aug 1, 2012

What I've learned in 23 years

Okay, so I just turned 23...and it's awesome!...Awesome because I'm still alive and I can continue living my crazy life! Score!